A muffled, slight growl shake her awake. A purr … A sound that made her shudder and jump out of bed. Instinctively, she looked around in search of light and, with her hand on the button, pushed gently. There was no light. She wanted to change the light bulb, but she remembered that it would always be dark in this world. The bulbs were dead – they did not have the power that scatters the dark.
In the dark, she went to the old wardrobe, which once, long ago, she smeared with a black paint. The opened door creaked ghastly. She flinched. She waited a moment, not being able to decide what she wanted to do. She should get dressed … Yes. That’s what she should do. In the closet she found only one pair of black pants and one black turtleneck. Why did she always have to dress the same way? And where did all her clothes go? She put on her pants and golf. And once again she was just the element of the dark world.
Very carefully and quietly she left the room and barefoot went down the stairs to the ground floor. The growl drew nigh. She stopped thinking thoughtfully. It must have come from somewhere out of the cellars … Something terrifying has shifted down her back.
Fearโฆ
She started very slowly, shuffling her legs in sad thoughtfulness. The open cellar door creaked horribly, and this squeak, like thousands of tiny pins, stuck in the brain and paralyzed it for a long moment. A quick, too quick heartbeat woke her up.
Fearโฆ
The basement stairs seemed terribly long and at the same time terribly short when she walked down silently. The growl intensified. It came from behind two pairs of closed garage doors and suddenly she was sure that she knew what it was. It was the roar of a chainsaw. A terrifying, terrifying, evil howl.
She wanted to run away. She had to run away, but some inner, decisive voice told her to move forward. It ordered her to open another, creaking door and enter into the darkness so thick that she could not breathe. She was choking in the darkness and felt that if she stayed here longer, she will blackened and never again, no light would brighten her face. It was an evil. An evil so terribly strong, which spread imperiously around.
Suddenly she stumbled over something curled up near the last door. At the ground she heard a small moan. She wanted to lean down and see what it was but then the roar of the saw died down and the door opened. And in the door, surrounded by phosphorescent, black light, something the most monstrous in the world stood, something that no imagination would ever create.
Demon.
The evil radiating from him paralyzed every little, most hidden sense and nerve. The steady motionlessness lasted terribly long. It was an absolute stillness.
The air was still
All elements of life were still
The brain’s work stopped.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
But the demon froze as well, and the motor saw hung at his hand with blood stiffened on the blade. This blood woke up first and wailed from all the splattered walls. And this terrifying wailing woke up the girl’s heart frozen in a stillness. The iris of the eyes widened, causing the pupils to constrict and absorbed some paralyzing vision, sent from the sclera-free, burning evil eyes. The demon emerged from the trance.
The vision that stung the subconscious revealed the element of something that was once human, and now the last particle of man, microscopic and normally not perceptible, cried out from under the thick armor of hellish force. This millisecond-lasting vision disappeared when the brain started to work again and when the pupils and iris of the eyes returned to their original shape. Somewhere in the deepest recesses of feeling remained a thought, or rather a question, that if something so terrifying is only an element of evil, then how terrible must be its core, its essence …
The demon, who was actually just a man trapped in the shell of evil, moved. Something like teeth flashed in the darkness
Fearโฆ
She stood in this black, monstrous cavern, with fresh blood constantly dripping from the walls. She was nailed in place by the power of evil. Teeth brushed in the darkness and the saw blade sparkled red. The monster was finishing work. He finished his task. The roar of the saw was mixed with blood splattering in all directions, with a nauseous, damp odor, with a terrifying, animal howl, and with that impenetrable, heavy darkness.
She was unconscious. The heart worked, the senses worked, but the interior atmosphere paralyzed the brain
Fearโฆ
The question that came out of her frozen mouth was like a distant whisper and it was not her whisper. Something spoke through her:
– Do you have a soul?
And then the dull light broke through the closed door. It seeped slowly through a thin crack and suddenly the Master appeared with the light. Two forces of glances cut through the darkness, and between them a thousand scented sulfur broke, shooting wisps. The Master’s sharp, sharp voice echoed from the walls:
– Everyone has a soul, the question is just what kind of soul …
Fearโฆ
The monster stopped, though the vision blurred in the dark. His saw hung in the air thoughtfully. Dripping blood from the blade made his shoes dirty … He wanted to shake the blood off, but it almost immediately soaked into the leather of the shoes. However, the girl noticed this senseless, childish impulse. Her brain started again interrupted work.
The moment the Monster reached out of the door to pull another victim, the girl took out hairpins, and her hair fell on her back, reflecting the blood of the saw blade. The monster stopped blinded by the glare. He squeezed his eyes in all his strength and shook his head as if trying to free himself from the pain. Irrational pain that stabbed him in the very pupil of the eye. The awful roar cut through the thicket of evil, bounced off the bloody walls and brushed the hair on the head.
Fearโฆ
Fearโฆ
Fearโฆ
The saw fell out of the Monster’s hands, causing a metallic clatter. He collapsed on his knees and punched his fists into his eyes. The braying made mad the smallest bacterium in the room. Everything was crazy. In the last self-defense reflex, the Monster jumped up from the ground and, turning on the saw, blindly waved it in frantic remembrance. As the vibrating blade approached dangerously close to the girl’s carotid artery, she whispered completely unconsciously:
– I love youโฆ
It was not her voice. Something spoke through her, which upset her at first, and soon afterwards the most powerful, hottest feeling of love faded over her body. She felt that she really loved him, every sense, every particle of her body, she felt that she loved him madly. The blade dipped slightly in her neck and the girl’s blood was mixed with the blood of all previous victims, but she felt nothing but love and therefore she whispered again, this time with her own voice:
– I love youโฆ
The saw fell from the Monster’s hands to the ground and smashed into millions of tiny pieces that sparkled and sprayed around the sickly smell of sulfur. Behind the saw, the monster fell to the ground, quivered and froze without feeling. He was dead. The monster was dead.
She touched his nasty face with her hand, kneeling over his body like Eloe*. Salty tears dripped gently and wetted the black, dry face. The face of the Monster who once was a man, and now he was nothing, because the monster will never regain human eyes and human feeling. It can only be powerless, pitying, nothing with a foul face. She gently folded her head on the wide dormant torso and closed her eyes.
Something wonderful woke her. Feeling … The touch of one’s hand, woven into her hair … She lifted her head slowly and the wandering hand dropped limply. Only the warmth in the hair resembled the sensation of touch experienced.
He shook off his long sleep. A cuddly creature with the eyes of a moron. Evil left them, giving way to something childish and stupid. He was worthy of pity. She cried over him and over her love, while his hand searched for some unknown warmth in her hair.
“We have to leave here,” she said fondly as she spoke to a child. He nodded, and a sad, incomprehensible smile strayed on his face. Where should they go? How are they going to get out of hell? She could not comprehend that. She did not know what to do, some part of her feeling died with Monster. Some contaminated by evil part. But she pulled him by the hand and, driven by instinct, walked forward, pulling her legs and the moron behind.
She loved him because he was nothing.
She loved him – because no society, human or animal, would recognize him as his member.
She loved him – because he only had her.
She was everything to him, although he was nothing. These two extremes formed together a whole. They could only be complementary.
She did not notice when they crossed the line. It was only when the reflector caught them and when three of the men attacked her companion, she understood that something was wrong. She defended him with rage because he was a part of her, just as she was part of him. Defending him, she defended herself …
They wanted only one thing from him; removing a few disturbing individuals. He was just supposed to clean up the area. He kept his chainsaw and smiled sheepishly. He did not know what it was. She snatched the saw from his hands and raged it against the ground with rage …
Augeas’s stall was waiting dirty and smelly …………………………………………………………………………………………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. She could not clean it up. She was too bright soul …
She knew her face was white. She leaned over the well that whispered in the darkness and cried out. Her face was no longer white. It was gray. Just as her companion’s face was not black anymore.
It was gray …
Old story from 2001
*Eloe – is an angel devoted to guarding the exiles and their graves in Siberia. Born from the tear of Christ in Golgotha, she best understands suffering and human error. After the death of Anhelli she guards his eternal peace so that the avenger does not wake him up.
***
DUSZA
Ze snu wyrwaล jฤ przytลumiony, nieznaczny warkot. Jakieล mruczenie… Jakiล dลบwiฤk, ktรณry sprawiล, ลผe zadrลผaลa i zerwaลa siฤ z ลรณลผka. Odruchowo rozejrzaลa siฤ wokรณล siebie w poszukiwaniu ลwiatลa i natrafiajฤ c rฤkฤ na przycisk, pchnฤลa delikatnie. ลwiatลa nie byลo. Chciaลa zmieniฤ ลผarรณwkฤ, ale przypomniaลa sobie, ลผe w tym ลwiecie zawsze bฤdzie ciemno. ลปe ลผarรณwki sฤ martwe โ nie posiadajฤ tej siลy, ktรณra rozprasza ciemnoลci.
Po ciemku podeszลa do starej szafy, ktรณrฤ kiedyล, dawno temu umazaลa czarnฤ farbฤ . Otwierane drzwi zaskrzypiaลy upiornie. Drgnฤลa. Odczekaลa chwilฤ, niezdecydowana co wลaลciwie chce zrobiฤ. Powinna siฤ ubraฤ… Tak. To wลaลnie powinna zrobiฤ. W szafie znalazลa tylko jedne czarne spodnie i jeden czarny golf. Dlaczego zawsze musiaลa siฤ ubieraฤ tak samo? I gdzie podziaลy siฤ wszystkie jej ciuchy? Wciฤ gnฤลa na siebie spodnie i golf. I znรณw byลa tylko pierwiastkiem mrocznego ลwiata.
Bardzo ostroลผnie i cicho wyszลa z pokoju i na boso zeszลa po schodach na parter. Warkot przybliลผyล siฤ. Przystanฤลa zamyลlona. Musiaล dobiegaฤ gdzieล z piwnic… Coล przeraลบliwego przesunฤลo siฤ w dรณล po plecach.
Strach…
Ruszyลa z miejsca bardzo wolno, powลรณczฤ c nogami w smutnym zamyลleniu. Otwierane drzwi do piwnicy skrzypiaลy potwornie, a to skrzypienie, niczym tysiฤ ce maleลkich szpilek, wpiลo siฤ w mรณzg i sparaliลผowaลo go na dลugฤ chwilฤ. Obudziลo jฤ szybkie – zbyt szybkie bicie serca.
Strach…
Schody do piwnic zdawaลy siฤ potwornie dลugie i zarazem potwornie krรณtkie, kiedy przemierzaลa je bezszelestnie. Warkot nasiliล siฤ. Dochodziล zza dwรณch par zamkniฤtych drzwi do warsztatu i byลa pewna, ลผe wie co to takiego. To byล ryk piลy motorowej. Przeraลบliwe, budzฤ ce grozฤ, szataลskie wycie.
Chciaลa uciekaฤ. MUSIAลA uciekaฤ, ale jakiล wewnฤtrzny, stanowczy gลos kazaล jej iลฤ naprzรณd. Kazaล jej otworzyฤ kolejne, skrzypiฤ ce drzwi i wniknฤ ฤ w mrok tak gฤsty, ลผe nie mogลa oddychaฤ. Dusiลa siฤ w tym mroku i czuลa, ลผe jeลli zostanie tu dลuลผej, poczernieje i juลผ nigdy, ลผadne ลwiatลo nie rozjaลni jej twarzy. To byลo zลo. Zลo potwornie silne, ktรณre rozpanoszyลo siฤ wลadczo wokรณล.
Nagle potknฤลa siฤ o coล skulonego koลo ostatnich juลผ drzwi. Przy ziemi usลyszaลa cichy jฤk. Chciaลa siฤ pochyliฤ i zobaczyฤ co to takiego, gdy wtem ryk piลy ucichล i drzwi stanฤลy otworem. A w drzwiach, otoczone fosforyzujฤ cym, czarnym ลwiatลem, staลo coล najpotworniejszego na ลwiecie, coล czego ลผadna wyobraลบnia nigdy nie stworzy.
Demon.
Zลo bijฤ ce od niego paraliลผowaลo kaลผdy najmniejszy, najbardziej ukryty zmysล i nerw. Przesiฤ kniฤty zลem bezruch trwaล potwornie dลugo. Byล to bezruch absolutny.
W bezruchu tkwiลo powietrze
W bezruchu tkwiลy wszystkie pierwiastki ลผycia
Praca mรณzgu ustaลa.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Ale i demon zastygล w bezruchu, a motorowa piลa wisiaลa u jego rฤki z zastygniฤtฤ w bezruchu krwiฤ na brzeszczocie. Ta krew zbudziลa siฤ pierwsza i zawodziลa ze wszystkich zbryzganych ลcian. A to przeraลบliwe zawodzenie obudziลo zastygniฤte w bezruchu serce dziewczyny. Tฤczรณwki oczu rozszerzyลy siฤ, powodujฤ c zwฤลผenie ลบrenic i wchลonฤลy jakฤ ล paraliลผujฤ cฤ wizjฤ, wysลanฤ z pozbawionych biaลek, pลonฤ cych zลem oczu. Oto demon wynurzyล siฤ z transu.
Wizja, ktรณra zakลuลa podลwiadomoลฤ, odsลoniลa pierwiastek czegoล, co kiedyล byลo czลowiekiem, a teraz ostatnia czฤ steczka czลowieka, mikroskopijna i normalnie nie wyczuwalna, krzyknฤลa spod grubego pancerza piekielnej siลy. Ta trwajฤ ca milisekundฤ wizja rozpลynฤลa siฤ z chwilฤ , gdy mรณzg na nowo rozpoczฤ ล pracฤ i kiedy ลบrenice i tฤczรณwki oczu wrรณciลy do pierwotnego ksztaลtu. Gdzieล w najgลฤbszych zakamarkach czucia pozostaลa myลl, czy raczej pytanie, ลผe jeลli coล tak przeraลบliwego jest tylko pierwiastkiem zลa, to jak potworne musi byฤ jego sedno, jego istota…
Demon, ktรณry w rzeczywistoลci byล tylko czลowiekiem uwiฤzionym w skorupie zลa, poruszyล siฤ. W ciemnoลci bลysnฤลo coล w rodzaju zฤbรณw
Strach…
Staลa w tej czarnej, potwornej pieczarze, z ktรณrej ลcian kapaลa nieprzerwanie ลwieลผa krew. Byลa przygwoลผdลผona w miejscu siลฤ zลa. W ciemnoลci bลyszczaลy zฤby i iskrzyล siฤ czerwono brzeszczot piลy. Potwรณr koลczyล pracฤ. Koลczyล swoje zadanie. Ryk piลy mieszaล siฤ z bryzgajฤ cฤ na wszystkie strony krwiฤ , z mdlฤ cฤ , wilgotnฤ woniฤ , z przeraลบliwym, zwierzฤcym wyciem i z tฤ nieprzeniknionฤ , ciฤลผkฤ ciemnoลciฤ .
Byลa nieprzytomna. Pracowaลo serce, pracowaลy zmysลy, ale atmosfera wnฤtrza paraliลผowaลa pracฤ mรณzgu
Strach…
Pytanie, ktรณre wydarลo siฤ z jej zastygลych ust, byลo jak odlegลy szept i wcale nie byล to jej szept. Coล przez niฤ przemรณwiลo:
– Czy pan ma ducha?
I wtedy matowe ลwiatลo wdarลo siฤ przez zamkniฤte drzwi. Sฤ czyลo siฤ powoli przez cienkฤ szparฤ i nie wiedzieฤ skฤ d, razem ze ลwiatลem pojawiล siฤ Mistrz. Dwie siลy spojrzeล przeciฤลy mrok, a pomiฤdzy nimi zaiskrzyลo siฤ tysiฤ c pachnฤ cych siarkฤ , strzelajฤ cych ognikรณw. Stanowczy, ostry gลos Mistrza odbiล siฤ echem od ลcian:
– Kaลผdy ma ducha, pytanie tylko jakiego…
Strach…
Potwรณr zatrzymaล siฤ, choฤ wizja rozmyลa siฤ w ciemnoลci. Jego piลa zawisลa w powietrzu w zamyลleniu. Kapiฤ ca z brzeszczotu krew ubrudziลa buty… Chciaล jฤ strzฤ snฤ ฤ, ale prawie natychmiast wsiฤ kลa w skรณrฤ. Dziewczyna zauwaลผyลa jednak ten bezsensowny, dziecinny odruch. Jej mรณzg znรณw rozpoczฤ ล przerwanฤ pracฤ.
W chwili gdy Potwรณr siฤgnฤ ล rฤkฤ poza drzwi by wciฤ gnฤ ฤ kolejnฤ ofiarฤ, dziewczyna wyjฤลa spinki z wลosรณw, a te spadลy na plecy, odbijajฤ c blask krwi z brzeszczotu piลy. Potwรณr zatrzymaล siฤ oลlepiony tym blaskiem. Zacisnฤ ล bezwiednie z caลej siลy oczy i trzฤ sล gลowฤ jakby w prรณbie uwolnienia siฤ spod mocy bรณlu. Irracjonalnego bรณlu, ktรณry dลบgnฤ ล go w samฤ ลบrenicฤ oka. Budzฤ cy grozฤ ryk przeciฤ ล gฤstwinฤ zลa, odbiล siฤ od krwawych ลcian i zjeลผyล wลosy na gลowie.
Strach…
Strach…
Strach…
Piลa wypadลa z rฤ k Potwora, powodujฤ c metaliczny ลoskot. Zwaliล siฤ na klฤczki i wcisnฤ ล w oczy piฤลci. Wycie przyprawiลo o szaleลstwo najdrobniejszฤ bakteriฤ znajdujฤ cฤ siฤ w pomieszczeniu. Wszystko byลo szalone. W ostatnim odruchu samoobrony Potwรณr poderwaล siฤ z ziemi i wลฤ czajฤ c piลฤ, na oลlep wymachiwaล niฤ w szaleลczym zapamiฤtaniu. Kiedy drgajฤ cy brzeszczot zbliลผyล siฤ niebezpiecznie blisko do tฤtnicy szyjnej dziewczyny, wyszeptaลa zupeลnie nieลwiadomie:
– Kocham ciฤ…
To nie byล jej gลos. Coล przez niฤ przemรณwiลo, co jฤ w pierwszej chwili zdenerwowaลo, a zaraz pรณลบniej rozpลynฤลo siฤ po ciele najpotฤลผniejszym, najgorฤtszym uczuciem miลoลci. Czuลa, ลผe naprawdฤ go kocha, kaลผdym zmysลem, kaลผdฤ czฤ steczkฤ ciaลa, czuลa, ลผe kocha go do szaleลstwa. Brzeszczot zanurzyล siฤ nieznacznie w jej szyi i krew dziewczyny zmieszaลa siฤ z krwiฤ wszystkich poprzednich ofiar, ale ona nie czuลa nic oprรณcz miลoลci i dlatego wyszeptaลa jeszcze raz, tym razem swoim wลasnym gลosem:
– Kocham ciฤ…
Piลa wypadลa z rฤ k Potwora na ziemiฤ i roztrzaskaลa siฤ na miliony drobnych kawaลkรณw, ktรณre iskrzyลy siฤ i rozpylaลy wokรณล mdlฤ cy zapach siarki. Za piลฤ zwaliล siฤ na ziemiฤ Potwรณr, zadrgaล i bez czucia znieruchomiaล. Byล martwy. Potwรณr byล martwy.
Dotknฤลa dลoniฤ paskudnej twarzy, klฤczฤ c nad ciaลem niczym Eloe. Sลone ลzy kapaลy delikatnie i zwilลผaลy czarnฤ , wyschniฤtฤ twarz. Twarz Potwora, ktรณry kiedyล byล czลowiekiem, a teraz byล niczym, bo potwรณr nigdy nie odzyska ludzkich oczu i ludzkiego czucia. Moลผe byฤ tylko bezsilnym, budzฤ cym litoลฤ niczym o szpetnej twarzy. Delikatnie zลoลผyลa gลowฤ na szerokim uลpionym torsie i zamknฤลa oczy.
Obudziลo jฤ coล cudownego. Uczucie… Dotyk czyjejล dลoni, wplecionej w jej wลosy… Podniosลa powoli gลowฤ i bลฤ dzฤ ca rฤka opadลa bezwลadnie. Tylko ciepลo we wลosach przypominaลo doznane wraลผenie dotyku.
Otrzฤ snฤ ล siฤ z dลugiego snu. Szpetna istota o oczach kretyna. Zลo opuลciลo je, ustฤpujฤ c miejsca czemuล dziecinnemu i gลupkowatemu. Byล godny litoลci. Zapลakaลa nad nim i nad swojฤ miลoลciฤ , podczas gdy jego dลoล szukaลa w jej wลosach jakiegoล nieznanego dotฤ d ciepลa.
– Musimy stฤ d odejลฤ โ przemรณwiลa czule jak przemawia siฤ do dziecka. Kiwnฤ ล gลowฤ , a na jego twarzy zabลฤ kaล siฤ smutny, niezrozumiaลy uลmiech. Dokฤ d powinni iลฤ? Jak majฤ wydostaฤ siฤ z piekลa? Nie mogลa tego ogarnฤ ฤ rozumem. Nie wiedziaลa zupeลnie co ma robiฤ, jakaล czฤลฤ jej czucia umarลa razem z Potworem. Jakaล skaลผona zลem czฤ stka. Pociฤ gnฤลa go jednak za rฤkฤ i gnana instynktem szลa przed siebie ciฤ gnฤ c nogi i kretyna.
Kochaลa go โ bo byล nikim.
Kochaลa go โ bo ลผadne spoลeczeลstwo, ludzkie czy zwierzฤce nie uznaลoby go za swego czลonka.
Kochaลa go โ bo miaล tylko jฤ .
Byลa dla niego wszystkim, choฤ on sam byล niczym. Te dwie skrajnoลci tworzyลy razem jakฤ ล caลoลฤ. Mogลy istnieฤ tylko dopeลniajฤ c siฤ.
Nie zauwaลผyลa, kiedy przekroczyli granicฤ. Dopiero gdy zลapaลo ich ลwiatลo reflektora i gdy trzech osiลkรณw rzuciลo siฤ na jej towarzysza, zrozumiaลa, ลผe coล byลo nie w porzฤ dku. Broniลa go z wลciekลoลciฤ , bo byล jej czฤลciฤ , tak samo jak ona byลa czฤลciฤ jego. Broniฤ c jego, broniลa siebie samฤ …
Chcieli od niego tylko jednego; usuniฤcia kilku przeszkadzajฤ cych osobnikรณw. Miaล po prostu posprzฤ taฤ teren.Trzymaล piลฤ motorowฤ i uลmiechaล siฤ gลupkowato. Nie wiedziaล co to takiego. Wydarลa mu tฤ piลฤ z rฤ k i z wลciekลoลciฤ cisnฤลa niฤ o ziemiฤ…
Stajnia Augiasza czekaลa brudna i cuchnฤ ca…………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..Nie mogลa jej posprzฤ taฤ. Byลa przecieลผ zbyt jasnฤ duszฤ …
Wiedziaลa, ลผe jej twarz byลa biaลa. Pochyliลa siฤ nad szemrzฤ cฤ w mroku studniฤ i krzyknฤลa. Jej twarz nie byลa juลผ biaลa. Byลa szara. Tak samo jak twarz jej towarzysza nie byลa juลผ czarna.
Byลa szara…
Stara bajka z 2001 roku
* Eloe – to anioล, ktรณry poลwiฤca siฤ strzeลผeniu zesลaลcรณw i ich grobรณw na Syberii. Zrodzona z ลzy Chrystusa na Golgocie, najlepiej rozumie cierpienie i ludzkie bลฤdy. Po ลmierci Anhellego strzeลผe jego wiecznego spokoju, by mลciciel go nie obudziล.
